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Home > Resources > Essays > Earmarks of a CoDependent Relationship
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EARMARKS OF A CoDEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP
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- Feeling owed. I'm going to stay in here and get mine because that person owes me after all that I have done for that person.
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We select improbable partners.
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Feeling owed. I'm going to stay in here and get mine because that person owes me after all that I have done for that person.
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We select improbable partners.
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We get arrogant about the relationship.
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Experience an intensified exaggeration in relationships. Being obsessed with the other person and expecting the same level of feeling in return. "Do you think of me as much as I think of you?"
Little spontaneous playfulness.
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Too many fixed requirements and objectives to the relationship.
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Lose individual differences or don't value those differences.
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Shortage of time for the relationship, or there is too much time for the relationship.
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Lack of conflict resolution; never seem to resolve things.
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A lot of self-control and censured feelings, get careful about who you are and what you say. Don't share feelings and vulnerability.
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Fear of exploring different things in our life. Lack of experimentation.
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One or both have a myth of their own perfection or the other's perfection.
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Sense of being one-down or one-up in the relationship.
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No-talk rules, talk less and less about what is going on in your life.
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The belief that the other person defines who you are.
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Cautious about making commitment in the relationship or you regret the commitment that you have made.
Become preoccupied with the other person.
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That you have energy swings, like fits of fitness and energy, and then periods of exhaustion when you are wiped out, even to the point of illness or emotional depression.
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That the relationship is tumultuous, chaotic.
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Sacrifice outside things for the relationship.
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Use substitutes to avoid intimacy (drugs, sex, food, etc.).
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Do nurturing and caretaking instead of shared intimacy.
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